Fornicator

I've reached a sad point in that after only 3 posts, I'm already more than half way through reviewing the available Rob Fornicator catalog - and this is the final chapter.

Actually, it's more like the first. This album came out in 2002, and turned off all those who were unfortunate enough to listen to this. The vocals are so gruff and guttural that one would expect it to be your everyday fun loving and god fearing gore grind, but that is not the case with Fornicator. No, Fornicator covers such topics as murder, rape, and sodomy. One could say they're a special part of their life...

I think an album this great deserves a song by song review. Which I will now provide.

1. I'm a Goddamn Rapist - The name of this song has earned it 7 of the 8/10 points I'm going to give it. The lyrics are...short. This song is...short. And yet I cannot think of anything better to represent the general atmosphere of this album as a whole. Some albums start with long boring samples. Not this. This album is throughout with long boring samples. But they're only boring if you don't realize that they're meant to compliment the pre-existing sickness each song provides. In short, there could not have been a better song on this album to start with, nor is there a sample out there that could match it.

2. Destroy These Cunts - yes, that seems to be the idea. And they do just that. I was disappointed to see the lyrics for this were not included in the book, as this seems a very interesting song. And goddamn can this album riff with the best of them. Ryan and Noah are some premier goregrind guitarists. And for bass - that scraggly and static-y grindcore bass...provided by none other than Dave, who we know from Lord Gore as the mighty Gurge! Yes, this band has it's fair share of all stars, who on this song only begin to show their true skills. 9/10

3. You are Garbage to me - Yeah you are. The sample at the beginning of this kind of sounds like Robin Williams. I wonder if it is...

Then it just blasts right into stalking and raping, etc. You are garbage to me! You're just fucking worthless! Then the chugging. Chug a chug. Grunt a grunt. The most haunting part - "you think that your life is precious; it's that, I totally despise". Goddamn, this Rob fellow needs therapy. In a good way. What the hell is that noise at the end goddamnit?! 7/10

4. Sexy Pose - This song never stands out. Just kind of chugs along. Not even much to talk about here... short and unimpressive. 5/10

5. Secret Fantasy - and then the cream of the crop - Secret Fantasy!

Musically, it's not much of a standout, but lyrically, Rob pulls out all the stops to totally sicken the listener.

"I fantasize about that day, when I'll drag you in my car. There I'll punch you in the face; fuck you in your bloody maw." God damn, it's no wonder they have so few fans - they're all probably in jail by now! 9/10

6. Just Let Me Rot - However much I love Rob's voice, and the musicianship on this album, Pungent Stench should generally be left alone. 5/10

7. Tortured Whore - Keep crying bitch, the rape won't get any less painful! This song features my two favorite samples on the album. The first, of some bitch in a movie getting movie raped by a movie actor in a movie. The second, at the end, where this conversation takes place.

Rapist - what's your name?
mystery girl - Sandra
Rapist - Sandra the whore. Say Sandra the whore.
Sandra - (crying) Sandra the whore
Rapist - theeeere's a good girl

Yeah, torture, rape, murder perhaps. Whatever. Good fucking song. 8/10

8. Covered Wagon - First we hear someone explain to us how "prison ain't nothin' to me" thusly allowing us to figure out for ourselves that the gang rape depicted in this song is okay, because even if you get caught, prison isn't that bad. This song features my favorite riff of probably the whole goregrind genre. Way to go Ryan and Noah.

9. The Lodge - This song bores the shit out of me. No samples, no lyrics in the book, nothing interesting I can hear in it. 4/10

10. What the Fuck Was He Thinking - What the Fuck Was the Point more like. 4 minutes of samples, 30 seconds of music, and 40 more seconds of samples. They can't just say "this bitch is ugly, but I raped her anyway"? Made this album way longer than it should have been. 3/10

11. Poop Deck Pappy - I can only assume the mystery boy referred to in the sample as "Jeffrey" is Jeffrey Dahmer. So Dahmer had chronic diarrhea even before he was gay. No wonder he was always a pitcher! This song is about making a woman eat your defecation. Charming. The fast part is pretty neat. 8/10

12. Anti Social Masturbator - Fornicator attempts a punk song. Fornicator improves that punk song. Rob Fornicator should sing all of GG's songs ever. 9/10

13. Beaten Black and Blue - perhaps the first time you'll become aware... Dave really has been playing bass this whole time. The cryptic intro leads to wife beating and laughs. 8/10

14. Orgasm's of Blood - Something tells me this song was only made so they could throw in that first sample. "He had sex with the corpses...cutting open the bodies". I'd rate this higher if the lyrics were in the goddamn book. 7/10

15. I Got Your Fucking Kid Bitch - I don't have enough words of praise for this one. Child abduction, rape, and a threatening statement to it's mother. And the music is entertaining throughout. "Tried asking for his mom; pulled out his teeth and his tongue - a bloody mouth for my cock!.....Got your kid you fucking bitch!!!" 10/10

16. Faggot Massacre/My Confession - I'm planning to nominate this for shortest, most pointless, and retarded lyrics ever. I'm pretty sure this song was only made to be able to hear Dahmer in court and say the word faggot and massacre consecutively. 3/10

17. I'm Checking You Out - "You can't even imagine crimes I want to commit. Murder, rape, and sodomy; they're a special part of my...life!!!!" More great riffing, then a transition to a slower part with more great lyrics. A real treat. "My thrill is stalking women; shackling them in chains. I like to see them quiver, see the expressions on their face". 10/10

18. Get On Your Knees and Fuck My Dog - I don't care if this song is a fart noise, the title wins it 9 points. The rest alone would win it 10 more. But we only have 10. So we'll give it 10. A great sample from Maury, a great song about making a woman fellate man's best friend. Good times. What the hell, no lyrics again. 10/10

19. Plastic Fucking Cunt - A song about how women with plastic surgery are all strippers and whores. Pretty cool sample, pretty boring song. 6/10

20. Dumped on the Side of the Road - holy shit, until now, I haven't even mentioned the drums. Because they didn't matter until now. Now they do. Drum solo intro is a nice touch here. The sample introduces the song, then we realize, Rob is going to be nice enough to recreate the scene reported on for us. It's a pretty awesome tune. 10/10

21. Shut the Fuck Up - The sample is really cool. Sleaze at it's finest. The slow part is fun to listen to maybe 2 times. After that it gets annoying. After that it gets really great. "Call the cops on me I ain't scared. That's just an excuse for me to want to kill you. I'll leave you with bruises, battered and bloody. Cuz I know, you'll be coming back to me baby." God, I love this album. 8/10

22. 8 Seconds of Fury - FILLER 1/10

23. My Fantasy is to Fuck You - Something tells me this song was written with someone in mind. Whatever it is, it's short, sweet, and to the point. Has a pretty cool solo too. 8/10

24. This Hammer and Screwdriver - Yeah, this album is coming to a close - I'm sad too. But there are still more gems. Like this one. Really weird lyrics. Very entertaining music. 9/10

25. My Last Victim - This features another one of my favorite riffs ever. After "I'll leave you to rot in the fucking woods" this really haunting and churning thing just sets the mood for the following necrophilia. Good times. 9/10

26. Bodies You'll Never Find - Amazing. Probably the best on the album. Finally the Gurge guest vocals kick in. When Rob and Gurge team up to do vocals, something clicks in my brain that I'm listening to an epic event. And it did. This is. The lyrics, vocals, music, all in tune with everything you could ever want this genre to be. If there is no other reason to buy this album, it's still worth it for this song. 1000000000/10

27. Your Time Will Come - What the fuck? What is that goddamn noise?! It won't go away!! And now there's some annoying Christian bitch! Why is this on the album?! I'm not even going to rate it goddamnit.

28. Peek At You - What an amazing way to end the album. If Rob moved to my neighborhood, I think I'd petition the city. This pedophile's dream ballad has haunted me to sleep many a time. And in a good way. 10/10

Overall, this is an amazing fucking album. I think things improved generally by the time Whore rolled around, but this is still a classic that should be owned by all.

Overall rating - 9/10